My definition of a hero:the barista* who put cardboard under one of the legs of my favorite table at my favorite coffee place so I didn’t get a 4.4 on the Richter scale every time I touched my keyboard.

 

*I think this is a stupid term and actually he mostly works the register, so I shall henceforth refer to him as “My Hero.”

In deference to, and with great respect for, this holiday season, I will not go to Bump ‘n Grind 12/24, 25, 31, or 1/1.*

*ok, deference and respect have nothing to do with  it. They’re either closed or closing early on those dates. Would an obsessive individual such as myself be deterred by respect?

I would like to give a shout out* to Nancy Charak who, in addition to being a loyal reader, is a very gifted artist. You should all look at her stuff.**

*Pretending to be hip, here.

**Technical term we art experts use.

 

I am absolutely  positively going to have a completed manuscript ready for my next writers conference in March, so I can absolutely positively dazzle any agent or editor I meet there.*

*After I absolutely positively dazzle them by riding in on a flying pig

 

I like revising. Does this make me some mutant life form?*

*I’m an actor. I’m already a mutant life form.

My unscientific study shows that Macs outnumber PCs about 3 to 1 in my favorite coffee place. This would explain why the owners can afford the coffee here. Or not.

So it seems lots of agents and editors HATE* italics. And I believe they have a point. So I’m combing my current (way too many) projects to see where I can straighten out the little buggers. But I’m doing it while listening to the Pentatonix, so it’s an almost pleasant experience.**

*They also hate all caps.

**Slight over statement. It is not an onerous*** experience.

***At least that isn’t in all caps and italics.

This is a bate and switch title if ever I used one* My mechanic says I don’t need new ones. I’m going to celebrate by getting an extra order of cookies while I write.

*Actually, it’s the first time I ever used one.

We had an incredible show at a corporate event tonight despite a 1 hour delay.* We stayed fresh and energetic, and I would say, for the record, engineers laugh a lot and like pretend Russian operas.

*The salad must have been laid out on the plates one leaf at a time. It took the restaurant 50 minutes to put it in front of the half-starved guests.

And I’ve reached the point where I can’t go much further in my novel without a trip to Charlottesville to visit a winery, an all night Harris Teeter and an expensive restaurant. Then I will be forced to go to Brooklyn so I can walk around Cobble Hill and visit a moderately priced restaurant and bookstore in Williamsburg. Tough being a writer.*

I’m actually going to do all this. It’s expensive being a writer.**

*The above is a classic example of irony. You’re welcome.

**Not irony