A madwoman has been in my office. There are piles of paper that have no logical reason to be in the same stack. There are scraps of paper and empty envelopes on the floor. Reusable bags filled with random, sometimes unidentifiable, objects make it difficult to move around. Why are there three empty coffee mugs on my desk? Oh, wait, that madwoman is me.

Here is what I have learned by reading advice from writing teachers.

1. Never use italics

2. Italics are good

3. Find different words for ‘said,’ e.g.,growl, whimper, hiss

4. Said’ is much better than using artificial words, like growl and hiss.

5. Big blocks of text are better that small ones

6. Small blocks of texts are better than big ones

So I am going to listen to what Lori Devoti, my wonderful teacher/editor, says, except when I disagree with her.

The trouble with Twitter is it makes me want to write blog posts with only 140 characters, with eliminates the possibility of any in- depth analysis.* From now on my posts will all** be loaded with content.

*Do not make any obvious jokes. I already thought of them.

**Except for this one

Finally in sync with SF time. Leave for DC today. And hello person from Qatar, whoever you are.

When Word gets bored it starts randomly reformatting my docs. One of the many reasons I hate Word.

Client: We need a team building activity for 80 people that lasts 60-90 minutes

Me: Sure, we can do that (I give her two ideas that will work)

Client: Sounds great. I’ll run it by the committee

Me: (to self) Oh, oh.

Client (two weeks, three references and two proposals later) The committee wants it to be done on unicycles*

Me: (Cheerfully) Oh, gosh. I think another troupe would be a better fit for that.

*Not really, but close enough

I never get writer’s block. I get “stop writing” block.*

*And don’t tell me the world would be a better place if I did. I think my dining room would be a better place, if I did, but that’s not the same thing.

I told the clerk at Politics & Prose (world’s best bookstore) I wanted a non-cheesy YA romance, mystery and a COA novel. She said Bone Gap was all three. She was right.

No blog visits from Brazil in several days. Was it something I said?

Wattpad hates me. It keeps hiding two of my works-in-progress. But if you’re dying of curiosity* you can read them by following these links.

http://www.wattpad.com/story/33790532   PG magical realism

Coming of Age

http://www.wattpad.com/story/34189375

http://www.wattpad.com/story/34194250-past-perfect New Adult Aimed towards 17-25 crowd but you don’t have to be that young.

*Pretend you are. It will make me happy.