I realize the only problem with this concept is you will more or less be reading this backwards unless you scroll down. I highly recommend that technique, especially because it’s a mystery, and, seriously?

 

I thought I’d be staying at some quaint little inn with homemade muffins and a resident cat. Ledgerwood makes me feel like I’ve been invited to the ancestral home of an English baron. There’s a giant fountain in front, and the lobby has a marble floor. My 2002 Sentra looks seriously out of place in the parking lot, which could easily be mistaken for a BMW dealership. I’ve been humming “One of These Things Is Not Like the Others,” my mom’s favorite Sesame Street song, since I grabbed my bag from the trunk.

So a friend who shall remain nameless (because I would never reveal that Jean Brodsky suggested this), thought I should try my ridiculous idea of serializing my novel in sections so small that you won’t feel put upon if you read it. I am going to cheat and do a paragraph at a time. Hey, they’re very short paragraphs. I’m not going to tell you the title because it’s a very good title, in fact perhaps the best thing about the whole damn book, and everything else will pale in comparison.

Chapter One

When Matt asked me down to Charlottesville for the weekend, he made me promise not to Google Ledgerwood. He wanted to surprise me. Mission accomplished, Matt.

This morning, slightly before the coffee kicked in, I had this brilliant idea* I’m going to serialize one of my novels on my blog, three sentences at a time.** If it was good enough for Dickens, it’s good enough for me. We have so much in common. For example, same species and write in English.***

Damn. The coffee just kicked in. Never mind.

*The kind that only seems brilliant before the coffee kicks in.

**Don’t worry eventually, meaning by Tuesday, I will get bored or lose my place and give up.

***Though he had a larger vocabulary.

I was washing my hair today when it came to me. I knew exactly what a currently dormant WIP needed.  This created two problems for me.

1. If showering is the key to turning on my brain, I will walk around looking like a shriveled pea most of the time.
2. It’s possible the idea wasn’t all that great, and I’m using it as an excuse to put my current project to bed for a while.

Gave me a very nice rejection. She said my writing style was “lovely” and she “enjoyed the plot setup.” This was definitely better than being hit in the face with a small fish or two,* but not quite as good as an offer of representation.

 

*For cultural reference see Monty Python Fish slapping

 

Every Wednesday I wear a shirt that proclaims “I should be writing but I’m #1linewed.”* Nobody ever asks me about it. Does this mean they’re glad I’m not writing and don’t want  to jinx it?

*An absolutely wonderful way for writers to waste time. I highly recommend it. No, really.

Dear woman speaking in broken Spanish at next table in my favorite coffee/writing place and laughing at the 120 decibel level every thirty seconds,

Nothing is that funny.

 

When you’re stuck and can’t figure out where the next chapter should go, make a detailed outline of the previous chapters. It will give you the illusion of accomplishing something.

That’s how my blog stats page insist a very nice person (I know because they glanced at seven posts) found me. It would be very disheartening to learn that the unknown search term was “Carol Nissenson.”

42 views from some anonymous visitor from Canada, and I didn’t even mention that I think Justin Trudeau is cute.*

*This was a highly toned down assessment, as it would be improper for someone my age to put it in any other terms.