I don’t read. I devour. Unless I don’t like the first 15 pages. Then I shelve the book in my “TBR”* collection.

In the last two weeks I’ve inhaled the first two books in Rainbow Rowell’s Simon Snow series. I hope she takes time writing the third, because I seriously have to read something else occasionally.

Now I’m half-way through a memoire, which is odd since I hate them unless they’re hilarious, and I like plot, (lots of plot) and believe there should be a legal limit on the number of adjectives you can use per page. **

So when I tell you to read Four Seasons in Rome, by Anthony Doerr, you know how fabulous it must be. It has only a sliver of plot and it’s definitely over the legal limit for adjectives.

*This is a euphemism for “I’m never, ever going to open this book again, but it has a nice cover,

**I also love run-on sentences. This isn’t going to be one.

I will have to write a novel set in Madrid, so next time I go there, I can claim it as a tax deduction.

Queen Carol and King Arnold incognito at the Puerta del Sol

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I’ve also heard people make this idiotic claim (writers shouldn’t read). For me, one of the perks of becoming a writer, was an excuse to spend countless hours reading. Research! So what if I’m sitting on a plane, reading a middle grade novel? Research! A Victorian romance? Research! Do I need to clean the house? So sorry. Too busy doing research!

So one of my two partners in my last critique group (which I loved) had the nerve to have a baby. So much for that group, which especially distressed me because a group (which I also loved) from a couple of years prior fell apart because both my partners had the nerve to prioritize their families and work over our meetings. I was bereft.**

Low and behold, a partner in one group suggested exchanging pages and a partner from the older group said “Hey kids. Let’s put on a show!” Or as we writers say it, “Put together a new critique group.” And everyone’s great and they better not have the nerve to find something more essential they have to do.***

*So are cute little puppies, kittens, and adorable granddaughters but they’re not a whole lot of help revising a novel.

**That may be a slight overstatement. I just like the word.

***Just kidding, but you knew that.

The new name will be “No Writing or Querying Day.” To make sure I don’t succumb to temptation, we’re going to drive to Frederick, walk through the amazing Carroll Creek Park, and have tea* and a bran muffins.

*When I have tea instead of a latté, you know I’m serious about taking a writing break.

Definitive proof that I’ve done a good job as a mother. My son is Mr. January in the Nice Jewish Guys calendar. My work is done here.

I’ve spent the last 90 minutes finding ways of cutting down the gazillion times I use the word, “if” in my manuscript.* To reward myself, I’m going to spend the next 5 minutes looking at this.

*Don’t get me started on the “ands, ors, buts,”

I can’t believe I managed to do three wine tastings and still sit on the porch at the b&b in Canada and write for two hours today.

And look what a great start I’m off to!

I was reunited with my manuscript at the Highlights Foundation Summer Camp, where I had my very own cabin to write as much as I wanted. Thanks to my fabulous mentor, Kathy Erskine, I also finished my last set of revisions. I managed to acquire more words than ounces, despite the incredibly fantastic food they served us.* That, in of itself, was a singular accomplishment. Just ask anyone who’s been there.

*Imagine a writers workshop where the chef announces that night’s menu before dinner.