The next time someone points out an error I’ve made in re grammar, spelling, punctuation, or usage, I’m going to say, “Oh, no. That was intentional. It’s part of my voice.*”

*Which, by the way, Spellcheck turned into ‘void.’ Is it trying to tell me something?

The beauty of knowing there is no chance the agent you* desperately want to like you** reads your*** blog or follows you, is that you can write anything you want without sounding like a sycophant

*Meaning ‘I’

**Meaning ‘me’

***Meaning ‘my’

Oh, the heck with it. I’m losing track of my pronouns.

 

Finding a new title for a work is a daunting challenge, harder than writing.*

*Total lie. It took me three minutes.

Action in two paragraphs turns on MC pumping best friend to find out where MC’s romantic interest lives. Except she found out 4 chapters ago.

Clearly my suggestions that I would consider writing a book about a Zombie podiatrist or a Magic Q-tip were merely lame attempts at humor. A chapter book about a Chia Pet or picturebook about a Rolodex, sure, but Zombies and Q-tips? What do you take me for?*

*This is rhetorical. Do not answer.

Of course I wouldn’t consider turning my YA mystery into a novel about a Zombie podiatrist in Dusseldorf, just so I could work with the agent mentioned in an earlier post. A MG book about a magic Q-tip from Framlingham, sure. But Zombies? I would never stoop that low.

Trying to coin a new word to describe my current feeling: a combination of wanting to end the anxiety of waiting to hear from the agent who loved my novel outline, yet wanting not to end the euphoria I feel that she loved it by hearing she didn’t love it so much, after all.

Should I call it ‘Anxoria’ or ‘Euphiety?

An agent liked my pitch enough to tweet about it. What if she reads my manuscript and says I should stick with pitching? And she typically takes 4-8 weeks to decide. If she is reading this, which I promise you, she’s not, I would like to say, “I’ll change my main character to a zombie podiatrist and the location to Dusseldorf if you want. Have weekly meetings with you in Chicago.** I will not offer bribes, of course. That would be unethical***”

Meantime, anybody have a Kit Kat?

 

*to clarify, I’m also eating M&M cookies. So far I haven’t hit the potato chips.

**Not exactly a sacrifice unless they’re scheduled in February.

***Also, I don’t have any money.

For once, not a funny post. I heard a beautiful impassioned plea from award winning author Padma Venkatraman at the James River Writers Conference this weekend. Though I had never thought about it until now, this is a horrible book, filled with the worst sorts of negative stereotypes. Don’t give it to your children or put it on your school reading lists. We’re not talking Shakespeare or Mark Twain, where the literary merit gives some justification, or at least leaves room for argument.

Got one. I can die happy.*

*Seriously hoping not to confirm this anytime in the near future.