Before you give me a list of all the fabulous novelists who were also fabulous actors, I am, of course, referring to MY writing. Though, it is worth noting that when I Googled ‘famous authors who were also actors,’ the fifth result was ‘List of people from Staten Island.’ Honest. Try it. My wonderful, teacher, Lori Devoti (not giving you a link this time. You can look that up, too), once said to me “You have a theatre background, don’t you?” She did not mean that as a compliment. The thing is, the actor gets set designers and costumers who tell the audience what the play looks like, a playwright to give them the dialogue, and a director who tells them where to go and sometimes even how to say their lines. Note to directors: Please don’t do that. We really, really hate it. So writers have to do all the work themselves, which isn’t fair, but life isn’t fair. The improvisor doesn’t get any of that either, but nobody cares. Fast! Funny! This is more or less true, unless you are doing a Harold. Please don’t.

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