The man sitting next to me on the trip from NYC-DC came on the train wearing really short gym shorts. He tried to get me to use his headphones to listen to the new Star Wars trailer. Then he sprayed himself with some noxious cologne.Then he started doing magic tricks with a small orange. Then he played his computer keyboard like bongos, periodically waving his fingers in the air.

I told the conductor, who got me a new seat. As I retrieved my things, the man said, “And I thought we were getting along so well.”