Just  got  the possibly nicest rejection letter ever re my short story ‘The Toe.’

“This is a fun, clever story, and very well told.  Unfortunately, it doesn’t really fit in with the sort of thing that Allegory publishes.”

Almost as good as getting published…sort of. 

 

This is also something else I know a lot about, because I direct NOW THIS! Here’s a picture. Some of the cats have left the herd, and new ones have taken their places. In this picture we all look reasonably sane, because we are not in rehearsal. There is no resemblance to the photo or our rehearsals in any of our shows, which is a good thing.

Facts plus attribution. Newspapers love it! “What Mr. Fahblunget neglected to mention was that the wombat population in the Hague has not increased since 1952 (October 2012 Journal of Wombat Reproduction). That is my final piece of advice on this subject. If you happen to get a letter published thanks to my excellent suggestions, please let me know so that I can feel smug and self-satisfied.

If you can put the words “It’s obvious that” or “Everybody knows that,” in front of your main point, don’t bother writing the letter. It is obvious that everybody will be sending the same letter.

I would have posted earlier in the day, but I was too busy leading an absolutely fab teambuilding event at Bull Run Winery.

Narrow it down. Don’t try to refute every single inaccurate, deceptive and prejudiced statement in the idiotic, poorly written piece you are complaining about. Pick one or two. If you do a great job, the editor might ask you to write something longer on the same subject. Honestly! It happened to me twice! I even got paid! $25! I guess that’s sort of semi-self promotion, so I won’t bother telling you about the three awards I won from the International Special Events Society.

You undoubtedly thought the article/letter you are writing about was idiotic, inaccurate, deceptive, prejudiced and probably poorly written, too. Pick the 2nd, 3rd or 4th descriptions and say why. Otherwise you will sound mean, which is great if you are a columnist. I shan’t mention any names, or mention the links to my short stories. http://bluelakereview.weebly.com/sheitels.html

http://thestoryshack.com/short-stories/comedy/the-talent-by-carol-nissenson-illustrated-by-cait-maloney/

http://www.fictionontheweb.co.uk/2013/12/cattle-call-by-carol-nissenson.html

 

First tip: as promised. Keep it short.

And, also as promised, no self-promotion. I won’t even mention that I recently had three short stories published.

Shameless self promotion, of course! But if that’s all I posted, like ‘Hey, I direct an award winning improv troupe,” why would you ever return? So I shall begin by telling you how to get a letter to the editor published. I am really, really good at this. Once I got a letter to the editor and one to Miss Manners published in the Washington Post the same day. One of my proudest moments. And then there’s the New York Times, and the somewhat lesser known Northwest Current and the Daily Targum at Rutgers, the latter being, I believe, a notable achievement for someone who never went to Rutgers, and is, at least nominally, a grownup. Of course, you will have to read my next post for the details. This is what they call in literary terms, a cliffhanger, and in every other term, a cheap trick.

I was going to save what little remains of my gray matter for polishing what little remains of my French. Instead, here I am starting a blog. I will probably have to employ the talents of a computer literate 10 year-old to choose and post pictures, graphics, etc. Visuals are not my strength. I once went onstage with a longline bra stuck on my sleeve and didn’t even notice it.