From time to time,* I acquire a Twitter follower whose interest in me is inexplicable, like their page is in Chamicuro or written in the Xylphoka alphabet. Some want to date me, despite the fact that,

A. We’ve never met, B. I’m at least 3 times their age, and C. we’d probably have to communicate by hand signals.

Did these people wake up one morning and say to themselves, “I think I’ll follow everyone whose last name stars with ‘N’?”**

*As in ‘hourly’

**I’m sure this isn’t the right way to punctuate this, but let’s be honest. Do you care?