An agent advises in her submission requirements that queries should not be too ‘chummy.’ Boy, do I get that. Once an auditionee grabbed my hand, and made me dance with him. The other auditors didn’t rescue me. They were enjoying it too much. I did not cast him. I did not kick him in any sensitive area, either, which shows I am a fine human being, because nobody would have blamed me if I did. 

Attend conferences. It’s the best way to meet agents and get them to look at your work. I would really, really, really love to do that, even if I didn’t meet a single agent, so I could take great workshops and mingle with other struggling writers. OK, that’s a partial lie, because I’m also expecting to meet agents, which is the reason every other struggling writer is there. So I did a little research. I avoided the ones that involved flying to Dublin, a five night stay and a $700 hotel bill, and found the Unicorn Writers Conference www.unicornwritersconference.com/‎ a truly yummy one with actual workshops I need and agents I’d love to meet. It’s only one day, and it’s in someplace in Connecticut I never heard of, a reasonable ride if I could find someone who had a reason to visit that someplace to share the driving(wow, that was awkward syntax). Then I’d only end up with a $250 hotel bill, $385 for registration, gas and tolls (split 2 ways..such a bargain), and 2-3 days of lost income. If you want, you can add all that up. I didn’t bother. You get the idea, anyway. I found a totally affordable conference just minutes from my house. It was for people who write books about dogs.

Spent a few minutes (no, really) at the Apple Store helping Safari recover from it’s recent nervous breakdown. There is no question my Mac is the most valuable thing I own, after my house. I know some people would say their cars, but I drive a 2002 Sentra.

Having done perhaps 1,000  and watched at least several hundred of the latter, I have learned the shocking truth.

1. Auditioning is horrible.

2. Watching auditions is worse.

This does give me a certain amount of sympathy for literary agents. If any actually are reading this post (see yesterday’s), I just want you to know I feel your pain.

From time to time you will see me post under that heading, and you may think, “She’s only trying to curry favor with them,” but you are wrong. I mean, seriously, do you think any agents are actually reading this? 

So I’m over half way through formatting, and I discover that Word has decided to reformat everything I’d already done, inserting large gaps between some lines, and shrinking the text size in others. Page numbers are ending up in the middle of the page. Shoot me now.

I submitted a story to the New Yorker.

I know you’ve been wondering about this since my original post…scratch that, and substitute ‘doubt’ for’ know’…but I’m going to tell you anyway. I love the genre. It’s mostly about plot and character, and so am I. I don’t think anyone will call the style unique and groundbreaking, (unless you count the overuse of the single quote, ellipses and parentheses). 

I am now having to reformat a 69,000 word novel, because a total idiot told me how to do it, and she was wrong, and I am never taking her advice again. OK, I admit it. That idiot was me.

I tried to include a photo of my toe in the last post. I couldn’t do it, which is just as well. Body makeup does not work on a toe, which greatly resembles a ‘Before’ pic in a nail salon.