And can’t remember where I left off in my current draft. This has happened many times, because I also forget to write down the page I was on the day before. Wow, are those first 16 pages going to be great!

Some of you may say ‘Writer’s Block,’ but other wiser souls would say ‘I’ll bet she didn’t have her computer.” and they would be right!.So you know (not that you care), it was intentional. No, really. It was a short NYC trip and I have become so obsessive about writing (Jeez, maybe I really am a writer), I had to make it physically impossible to create and edit (mostly edit). I kept telling myself that I would be refreshed and ready to see my work in a whole new light when I returned, which I would if I could keep my eyes open. Twas a very busy three days, much of which was spent chasing an extremely energetic 2 year-old.

So I know I said I’d only post on weekdays, but I had a very deep thought to share since my old Mac’s whimsical behavior has forced me to get a new one. Computers own us!

Raise your hand if you are old enough to be nostalgic about your old nonelectric Royal. Now put them down, you fools. I have two words for you: Correction Ribbon. Carbon Paper. OK, four words.

So you sing your best eight or sixteen bars and/or read your monologue and you don’t get called back. Why, lord, why? Odds are good you’ll never know, and please, please, don’t ask. It’s really annoying, they don’t owe you an explanation, and they probably won’t tell you the truth anyway (trust me on that one).

 

So here are the levels of rejection in auditions and queries.

1.They don’t even tell you they got your initial request to be seen/read.

2. Query: Form letter Thanks, but no thanks. Audition: “Thank you. Next.”

3. Query; Nice form letter for projects they think had some obvious merit “We’re sorry we took so long to respond. Your project has obvious merit.” Audition: They let you sing 32 bars before they say ‘Thank you. Next.”

4. Query: Personal letter. We really love your style, but right now we’re not looking for Paranormal YA. Audition: You have the voice and face of an angel, but you’re just too short.

OK, I admit I never told anyone she had the voice and face of an angel, but that’s just because it never happened.

 

 

     

Yesterday I queried an agent who wanted to know the last book I read and the writer who influenced me most. She asked me to include a sentence from my book that I loved and a whole lot of other stuff I won’t bore you with. Too late? This took me nearly two hours to write. But let us differentiate between ‘long’ and ‘hard.’ This one was easy, it was fun, and very interesting. Why? It made me focus, it gave me a sense of who the agent was, and what she really wanted. Also, I suspect she’s actually going to read my letter. Otherwise why bother asking for so much info? Please do not say “Everyone needs a good laugh in the morning.”

The hardest queries are the ones that just say ‘Send a query letter to’ im2busy@closeddoorlit.net. Yes. I checked. There’s no such URL.

Everyone who can remember something they wrote yesterday raise your right hand. No, the other right hand.

Well, at least 50% as good. Here is the very nice rejection email I got from Flapperhouse

Thank you again for submitting “You Can Paint Anywhere.” We’re sorry to say that it’s not quite what we’re looking for right now, BUT: We like your style, especially your sense of humor, and if you wanted to submit more of your work to us down the road, we’d be very happy to read it.

Your blog warned me that even a single typo in my query could ruin my chances with an agent, so I’m spending the next hour fine tooth combing today’s query letter to make sure there isn’t a single misplaced comma or missing period. While I’m doing that, you might want to check out your own website, especially the part where you announce that your latest novel will be published in January…2013.

Yup. True story (as always).

Or, maybe I should add ‘for me.’ At least I get a little better at it each time I write one, which also means I realize how bad and/or inadequate the ones I wrote before it were. As a novice I started by Googling ‘How to write a query letter’ in a variety of permutations. I got 6,920,000 results. Honestly! Try it, you’ll see. So here are the elements of a good query. I hope it helps you as much as it’s helped me.

1. The query should be very personal or written in the style of the book, or like a business letter.

2. The synopsis should be 3 pages or two paragraphs

3. The synopsis should read like copy on the back cover of a novel, or read like a synopsis except don’t give away the ending, or give away the ending

4. Always start with a one sentence hook, start with a few actual lines from the book, or a hook is completely unnecessary. 

5. Your bio should give the reader a feeling for who you are, or only mention publishing credits, or it’s not really relevant. 

There are many other wonderful pieces of advice, but you are already on your third glass of wine, so you don’t care anymore.

Learned in his obit today that he was one of the pioneers of the paperback industry. Some prices from Amazon.com

The Hobbit : Hardcover $13.59  Paperback $6.28  Text: Exactly the same  Coffee spill: Pretty much the same result. Well, maybe a little worse with the paperback, but if you buy another, you’re still ahead, and I’m sure you will have learned your lesson about drinking coffee and reading by then.

In the endless pursuit of publication I’ve come across a few sites that are only accepting works that fit their theme or style of the month, like stories that take place in a hatbox, or characters who speak in Haikus. Ok, those are made up, but I actually came upon one that only wanted stories written in annotated triptychs. No, really! So here’s what I think. If you already happen to have a story in that form, that is called writing. If you intentionally write one in that style, because the site might consider it, that is called an exercise. Although if you are an artist and someone pays you to paint their portrait, that is called a commission. And if anyone wants to commission me to write a story in annotated triptych form, I’m sure I can do it.